When you are a Fl girl, snow is glamorous and beautiful. When we moved to GA, I delighted in the first snowflakes I ever saw. We shoveled the driveway in good cheer in MD and I carted the kids in a sled in IL. We've tramped in NH, Chicago and Boston all the while thrilling the bitter cold and wet shoes. But now, it seems the cold, wet snow has gotten on my bad side at last.
We are officially stuck in Oregon. The children and I came for a much anticipated extended visit. As in all long trips, homesickness had set in. Yesterday we were supposed to be home and we are not. We will be home, if all goes well, on Fri. Today is Tuesday. I'm trying to resist the urge to list every beloved home activity to do upon our arrival. I am trying to make the most of the time we have left here. My head knows it will be some time before I am able to come this way again. My heart and my children keep watching every new snowfall with dismay. I'll Be home for Christmas has been banned from our playlist. My calls to DH have become more frequent. Usually, it is he who is away and calls frequently when stressed.
Present too, is a vague guilt over my disappointment. After all, we are well fed, dry, warm with new adventures right around the corner. What right have I to be sad over things? Also in my thoughts is the knowledge that Christmas does not depend on our where abouts, our incomes, or even our companions. It is the birthday celebration of a man who changed humanity. This year, I'm being given yet another opportunity to ponder this.
Oh well. In a week's time, this will pass. All that will remain are the wonderful memories of an indulgent uncle, cherished grandparents, awe inspiring forests and an ocean to silence all chatter.
Merry Christmas
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Henrietta Homeowner
Buying a home is never exactly what you think it will be. Home inspections are only as good as the inspector, and unless you're construction savvy, you'll be fixing everything the inspector missed. As it stands, our inspector was not quite what we were hoping and I am not altogether construction savvy. I once dreamed of a project house and it seems I got one.
I love my house. I do. However, within a week, we'd considered naming it the college fund of the local plumber's children. It got worse from there. There were siding issues, ugly concrete walls and a misplaced fence. We were not batting well in the happy homeowner world.
The to do list loomed long. Luckily I discovered something that made it all better. Insiders at http://www.nari.org/ call it staging. You see. I'm thrifty by nature, but not so good at long range planning. I didn't know how to break the job down into smaller chunks. Doing the house renovations in one fell swoop sounds great except for the price tag. As I said, I'm on the thrifty side. With staging, I plan the renovations and set the schedule for when the work is done. I will do some smaller tasks, like painting and closet shelving. As for the rest, I know my limits. I want the work to be done right and I'm not a professional.
Scratching the Extreme Home Makeover with Ty Pennington, we had to do some real thinking. We are listing all house use and family needs; we're making a wish list. We're working on the budget and saving. Baby steps. The good news is that as I make the list and we tackle items, I can go back to enjoying my house.
While I work on my list and learn more about choosing the right contractors, I invite you to send me your questions.
I love my house. I do. However, within a week, we'd considered naming it the college fund of the local plumber's children. It got worse from there. There were siding issues, ugly concrete walls and a misplaced fence. We were not batting well in the happy homeowner world.
The to do list loomed long. Luckily I discovered something that made it all better. Insiders at http://www.nari.org/ call it staging. You see. I'm thrifty by nature, but not so good at long range planning. I didn't know how to break the job down into smaller chunks. Doing the house renovations in one fell swoop sounds great except for the price tag. As I said, I'm on the thrifty side. With staging, I plan the renovations and set the schedule for when the work is done. I will do some smaller tasks, like painting and closet shelving. As for the rest, I know my limits. I want the work to be done right and I'm not a professional.
Scratching the Extreme Home Makeover with Ty Pennington, we had to do some real thinking. We are listing all house use and family needs; we're making a wish list. We're working on the budget and saving. Baby steps. The good news is that as I make the list and we tackle items, I can go back to enjoying my house.
While I work on my list and learn more about choosing the right contractors, I invite you to send me your questions.
Thanksgiving at home
This year was such a marked contrast to last year. It was our first Thanksgiving in a place that was home. Really home. It was good.
I raked my leaves and listed my own blessings. At the risk of boring you I ofer the short list. Leaves. Bonfires. Mercy. Grace. Forgiveness. Peaceful political process. Children. Friends. Family. I am in love with a God who would pour out umexpected blessings for all who would desire to walk with him. Sometimes, humilty doesn't leave a lot of room for other words.
I raked my leaves and listed my own blessings. At the risk of boring you I ofer the short list. Leaves. Bonfires. Mercy. Grace. Forgiveness. Peaceful political process. Children. Friends. Family. I am in love with a God who would pour out umexpected blessings for all who would desire to walk with him. Sometimes, humilty doesn't leave a lot of room for other words.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
God speaks in Bike Language
I read a funny phrase in a blog last week, if I was any good at linking, I would send you there now, but I'm not so I won't. Superbass wrote of "God showing off." While I know that God has and does amazing things, when my own mini miracles occur, I am once again stunned.
When we left sunny O, I left behind a beautiful, marvelous 3 wheeled bike. I had to sell it as I was headed to the land of hills and would not be able to use it. I was also unsure of it's ability to fit in the moving van. There were mechanical problems with the wheels and yet I mourned that bike like you would not believe a grown up could do.
I was once again struggling to get places without a car and with happy children. We walked, they whined and fought. I tried to guilt or bribe my DD into riding her own bike so that I could ride mine with DS. Shameful I know. It didn't work. So I got rid of all bikes and rode my DH's bike.
I spent many hours looking up alternative bikes and trailers. I fantasized about spending an insane amount on a sturdy Dutch Bakfiet or Extracycle Longbike. I showed my DH many pictures of novel bikes toting happy families in the hopes that he would be inspired to give me a splendid present. This did not work btw.
Someone I know encouraged me to buy something that sited me as I surely did deserve it. This didn't quite suit our family dynamics or budgeting. Yet, there I was sad, unhappy and miffed that no one understood the unbridled joy that comes when I float through the air on my bike. In fact, I have decided that if my father feels anything like that on his motorcycle then I am to be forever silent on the subject. I almost slipped into a big pity party except that remembered that sometimes we just don't get what we want and that I am the grown up.
This all leads to the multiple times I have asked God's forgiveness for wanting and coveting such a bike. I also told Him that I did not believe such an expenditure would be where He would choose me to direct His funds and therefore I would just hold my horses and wait. I ultimately decided that a purchase like that would be disrespectful to a spouse who so clearly did not value this purchase in the way that I did. It just wasn't going to build goodwill. I was sad though. I wish I could just go off and do such a thing. I never do.
A good friend, who cheers and challenges me, said, "if God gave you the other bike, who is to say that He doesn't have something else for you?" Me that's who. I had decided the other bike was so out there and spectacular that God could hardly top it. But I did manage to lay my know it all self aside for the couple of minutes it took to mull it over. What is to stop a God who can surprise my most childlike self with a gift in the language I well understand?
Back to waiting. I still enthused on the models. But I stopped coveting and enjoyed the walking we were doing. I still went out and volunteered with the Bicycling advocacy group last weekend. I laughed and explained I had no bike when they asked what I rode.
Then, today on the way home from the car repair shop, I stopped in Goodwill to look for a fertilizer/seed spreader. It was on or list. They had none. They did have a near pristine Kidarooz bike trailer that Amazon lists for 379.99. Goodwill's price for said stroller with 2 flat tires was 30.99. Our new space pod trailer/stroller is now in the garage. Yup, the King of the Universe does show off and I have enjoyed telling total strangers that God even answers the prayers of the selfish, tired, childish women of the world. Even the ones who live in East Cobb and look like that have no cares. He knows we all have desires and sometimes waits for us to stop whining and use our big kid voices to tell him about it before we move on. Like many of us, God does His best work when there isn't any whining, cajoling, begging, footstomping or second guessing. Who would've thought?
I still have no bike. I stand by my decision to wait until I find the right bike at the right price. Until then, I will enjoy the 7 mile roundtrip walk to the library a lot more. And when I do find it, you can bet I will still be telling strangers about God's amazing ability to speak love in a language even a child understands.
When we left sunny O, I left behind a beautiful, marvelous 3 wheeled bike. I had to sell it as I was headed to the land of hills and would not be able to use it. I was also unsure of it's ability to fit in the moving van. There were mechanical problems with the wheels and yet I mourned that bike like you would not believe a grown up could do.
I was once again struggling to get places without a car and with happy children. We walked, they whined and fought. I tried to guilt or bribe my DD into riding her own bike so that I could ride mine with DS. Shameful I know. It didn't work. So I got rid of all bikes and rode my DH's bike.
I spent many hours looking up alternative bikes and trailers. I fantasized about spending an insane amount on a sturdy Dutch Bakfiet or Extracycle Longbike. I showed my DH many pictures of novel bikes toting happy families in the hopes that he would be inspired to give me a splendid present. This did not work btw.
Someone I know encouraged me to buy something that sited me as I surely did deserve it. This didn't quite suit our family dynamics or budgeting. Yet, there I was sad, unhappy and miffed that no one understood the unbridled joy that comes when I float through the air on my bike. In fact, I have decided that if my father feels anything like that on his motorcycle then I am to be forever silent on the subject. I almost slipped into a big pity party except that remembered that sometimes we just don't get what we want and that I am the grown up.
This all leads to the multiple times I have asked God's forgiveness for wanting and coveting such a bike. I also told Him that I did not believe such an expenditure would be where He would choose me to direct His funds and therefore I would just hold my horses and wait. I ultimately decided that a purchase like that would be disrespectful to a spouse who so clearly did not value this purchase in the way that I did. It just wasn't going to build goodwill. I was sad though. I wish I could just go off and do such a thing. I never do.
A good friend, who cheers and challenges me, said, "if God gave you the other bike, who is to say that He doesn't have something else for you?" Me that's who. I had decided the other bike was so out there and spectacular that God could hardly top it. But I did manage to lay my know it all self aside for the couple of minutes it took to mull it over. What is to stop a God who can surprise my most childlike self with a gift in the language I well understand?
Back to waiting. I still enthused on the models. But I stopped coveting and enjoyed the walking we were doing. I still went out and volunteered with the Bicycling advocacy group last weekend. I laughed and explained I had no bike when they asked what I rode.
Then, today on the way home from the car repair shop, I stopped in Goodwill to look for a fertilizer/seed spreader. It was on or list. They had none. They did have a near pristine Kidarooz bike trailer that Amazon lists for 379.99. Goodwill's price for said stroller with 2 flat tires was 30.99. Our new space pod trailer/stroller is now in the garage. Yup, the King of the Universe does show off and I have enjoyed telling total strangers that God even answers the prayers of the selfish, tired, childish women of the world. Even the ones who live in East Cobb and look like that have no cares. He knows we all have desires and sometimes waits for us to stop whining and use our big kid voices to tell him about it before we move on. Like many of us, God does His best work when there isn't any whining, cajoling, begging, footstomping or second guessing. Who would've thought?
I still have no bike. I stand by my decision to wait until I find the right bike at the right price. Until then, I will enjoy the 7 mile roundtrip walk to the library a lot more. And when I do find it, you can bet I will still be telling strangers about God's amazing ability to speak love in a language even a child understands.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
He will rejoice over you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you.
Zephaniah 3:17
God knows what it is like to be alone. Before there was a star in the sky it was just God hanging out. Thus begins the Creation story.
Along the way, he speaks man into being and then our story begins. His interest in us never wains. Max Lucado writes that " if he drove car, your name would be on his bumper. If there's a tree in heaven, he's carved your name in the bark. "
God is our Father, Mother, friend, redeemer. He dotes on us. He encourages us and never belittles us. He guides and teaches us patiently. He is a steadfast rock. We can depend on his genuine love, affection and attention through every circumstance in life. He hears you when you lay on the floor and cry. He knows your bank account. He sees you when you dance with joy. He goes with you as you comfort and encourage a friend. He is your God and he wants to cover you with grace and carry you. Let Him; he's a professional.
Zephaniah 3:17
God knows what it is like to be alone. Before there was a star in the sky it was just God hanging out. Thus begins the Creation story.
Along the way, he speaks man into being and then our story begins. His interest in us never wains. Max Lucado writes that " if he drove car, your name would be on his bumper. If there's a tree in heaven, he's carved your name in the bark. "
God is our Father, Mother, friend, redeemer. He dotes on us. He encourages us and never belittles us. He guides and teaches us patiently. He is a steadfast rock. We can depend on his genuine love, affection and attention through every circumstance in life. He hears you when you lay on the floor and cry. He knows your bank account. He sees you when you dance with joy. He goes with you as you comfort and encourage a friend. He is your God and he wants to cover you with grace and carry you. Let Him; he's a professional.
Recent things I have learned
I have learned that masonry is really hard.
I have less patience than I need and more than I had before I began homeschooling.
I like knitting.
A child's trust is a gift.
God does not remind us of our failures. That's Satan's job.
I distrust juiceplus salespeople. I think it's the MLM that gets me.
I miss my cool three wheeled bike.
Whitewater rafting is amazing.
Fall and Spring are great times to be in Atlanta. (So are summer and winter)
Be well!
I have less patience than I need and more than I had before I began homeschooling.
I like knitting.
A child's trust is a gift.
God does not remind us of our failures. That's Satan's job.
I distrust juiceplus salespeople. I think it's the MLM that gets me.
I miss my cool three wheeled bike.
Whitewater rafting is amazing.
Fall and Spring are great times to be in Atlanta. (So are summer and winter)
Be well!
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Birthday Bounty
Today is the best birthday I have had in I don't know when. It started rough. DS had a rough night, bad dreams, lots of crying. He's got a lot of adjustments on his little plate and is a bit stressed. He'll be ok. Just grumpy.
Once we got moving and got school knocked out, we head out for a big 3.5 m walk/jog to the library, chuckee cheese, window shopping and a discount movie. I finished the day with a CPR class. Throughout the day, I had a few calls and emails from dear ones to say Happy Day.
I kept thinking how absolutely wonderful it all was. During the bedtime routine, it dawned on me, this was the first birthday I've had in several years that I did not think "It's another birthday without my brother or without my mother." It was just a day filled with everything I did have.
It was beyond good.
Tomorrow, I will somehow get lessons done, clean the house for DD's fundraising spaghetti dinner (raising money for church stuff) and DD/family birthday bash. I must also shop for same. I will also continue working on latest fitness continuing ed class and get us to the happy chiropractor. About an hour ago, the agenda shrunk because I finally figured out where the fruit flies that invaded our home during our vacation came from and disposed of the habitat. I am optimistic.
Must head to bed soon. Good night.
Once we got moving and got school knocked out, we head out for a big 3.5 m walk/jog to the library, chuckee cheese, window shopping and a discount movie. I finished the day with a CPR class. Throughout the day, I had a few calls and emails from dear ones to say Happy Day.
I kept thinking how absolutely wonderful it all was. During the bedtime routine, it dawned on me, this was the first birthday I've had in several years that I did not think "It's another birthday without my brother or without my mother." It was just a day filled with everything I did have.
It was beyond good.
Tomorrow, I will somehow get lessons done, clean the house for DD's fundraising spaghetti dinner (raising money for church stuff) and DD/family birthday bash. I must also shop for same. I will also continue working on latest fitness continuing ed class and get us to the happy chiropractor. About an hour ago, the agenda shrunk because I finally figured out where the fruit flies that invaded our home during our vacation came from and disposed of the habitat. I am optimistic.
Must head to bed soon. Good night.
Friday, August 29, 2008
whirlwind
We are well. We really are. And busy. But not terrible communicative it seems. We have continued settling into our new digs. Most of the plants I planted did not survive the sporadic water I offered them combined with occasional rain. Weeds lost my attention in favor of playgrounds, lessons and creek exploration. New friends were found and old ones enjoyed.
DH continues to strive for some balance of work/life happiness. We all are trying to find our spot in a new church. And life just goes on.
The past two weeks we have been totally blessed to be a roving happy homeschool family. We left ATL with less than 24 hours notice and headed north to W Carolina to visit my favorite MIL. We then headed SE to Jax just in time to miss Faye. We soaked up good family fun with my extended family of aunts and cousins. My children and I revelled in the laughing, good food and general deep joy at being in the seat of happy memories. I have learned so much about my self these last couple of weeks. It makes the time seem like it must be even longer than it is.
Speaking of lessons, It is never much fun to realize when you've been holding a grudge and letting it affect your current relationships. Better to know and to work on laying it down and raising up my forgiving heart. I know it's in there and it wants to come out. I'm working on it.
Finally, we will wrap up our wanderings with an Orlando adventure. Disney till we pop. I think perhaps my DS already has. He is much happier with a bubble bath than Buzz Lightyear rides. A bit difficult to manage the whole family's desire for fun, relaxation and the like but we manage somehow. Oh I wish I was better at juggling, but I've dropped every ball i 've ever tried to keep up.
Now I must go. Time to step into our whirlwind!
DH continues to strive for some balance of work/life happiness. We all are trying to find our spot in a new church. And life just goes on.
The past two weeks we have been totally blessed to be a roving happy homeschool family. We left ATL with less than 24 hours notice and headed north to W Carolina to visit my favorite MIL. We then headed SE to Jax just in time to miss Faye. We soaked up good family fun with my extended family of aunts and cousins. My children and I revelled in the laughing, good food and general deep joy at being in the seat of happy memories. I have learned so much about my self these last couple of weeks. It makes the time seem like it must be even longer than it is.
Speaking of lessons, It is never much fun to realize when you've been holding a grudge and letting it affect your current relationships. Better to know and to work on laying it down and raising up my forgiving heart. I know it's in there and it wants to come out. I'm working on it.
Finally, we will wrap up our wanderings with an Orlando adventure. Disney till we pop. I think perhaps my DS already has. He is much happier with a bubble bath than Buzz Lightyear rides. A bit difficult to manage the whole family's desire for fun, relaxation and the like but we manage somehow. Oh I wish I was better at juggling, but I've dropped every ball i 've ever tried to keep up.
Now I must go. Time to step into our whirlwind!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
All moved in
We are at last all moved in and mostly unpacked. We have resolved assorted plumbing issues. My various poison ivy and poison oak outbreaks have become tolerable. The roof/chimney still needs to be fixed and the people behind us wish the brick wall surrounding our yard for the last 20 years would disappear. It apparently is partially on or over their property line.
Over all though, we love it here. The yard is big. The house has lots of room to grow into. Bunnies run through the yard but stop to eat wild strawberries. Best of all, we are near many wonderful people.
It is good to come back to our routines. We have had more time to sit and read good books while snuggling. DD's math book actually got finished a couple of weeks ago. Today, we made muffins and will take them over to the fire station. Next week, we leave for a trip to Connecticut to meet up with DH. Life is very good right now. I am trying not to think of what could possibly go wrong, but it has been a long, long time since things have felt this manageable. I don't know what the future holds, but I know the moment. I'm taking care to breathe and be thankful.
Happy Day!
Over all though, we love it here. The yard is big. The house has lots of room to grow into. Bunnies run through the yard but stop to eat wild strawberries. Best of all, we are near many wonderful people.
It is good to come back to our routines. We have had more time to sit and read good books while snuggling. DD's math book actually got finished a couple of weeks ago. Today, we made muffins and will take them over to the fire station. Next week, we leave for a trip to Connecticut to meet up with DH. Life is very good right now. I am trying not to think of what could possibly go wrong, but it has been a long, long time since things have felt this manageable. I don't know what the future holds, but I know the moment. I'm taking care to breathe and be thankful.
Happy Day!
Friday, March 28, 2008
It's a new day. Actually, it's been two new days. I'm back to not stressing. I'm not perfect mommy and DD is not perfect child. We won't get the medal. She's still the one who makes me breathe joy and gratitude. She's still the one who keeps me on my toes. I still scramble to stay ahead of her except when I do drop the ball. She is still the one who wows me with her big, generous heart. Even when she bites :)
As I write this, I'm sitting in my sister's room with her menagerie of animals. There is the delightful scent of cat box, fallen dog fur, and a grafittied desk. I am in the happy spot.
However, the clock strikes midnight and the princess that I am has disappeared. Only tired mommy remains.
Good night.
As I write this, I'm sitting in my sister's room with her menagerie of animals. There is the delightful scent of cat box, fallen dog fur, and a grafittied desk. I am in the happy spot.
However, the clock strikes midnight and the princess that I am has disappeared. Only tired mommy remains.
Good night.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Is it really just us?
I think it must be us after all. There is a trick to being houseguests. It is to leave before anything bad happens and stay where your rules are as similar as possible when it involves children.
I broke this rule and now I am trying very hard to manage my impulse to pack and leave. DD spent the afternoon being told she is not as smart as a cousin and that she is younger so must be bossed. She's been dragged on the floor and pounced upon. I assure you, DD can be bossy and defiant and will fight to the death over a piece of grass when she feels it necessary. I know she's not an angel, just an ordinary 6 yr old. When she had enough today, she bit. This would be the second time over the course of several months that she has bit said cousin when she had enough. I do realize this is inappropriate. It's also embarrassing. Any excuse or reason I might offer would be equally inappropriate.
Last month, during house hunting, we were house guests at a home by request of DH. I did not want to be there because our parenting styles and rules are so vastly different. Yet DH felt it would work out. Shortly before we left, DD hit a child in that house when she had had enough of the other child. As parents, we totally failed to properly supervise the kids. They were inspecting new house while all adults were downstairs. and then, they weren't.
There is a part of me that feels totally embarrassed when these things happen. I wonder if it's just us. I hate when I get the vibe of well, if you would stick them in school they wouldn't do this crap. It's just because your child is not well socialized. I hardly think that putting my child in the local PS would encourage her to continue giving away her prized possessions because it might make someone feel better. Nor do I think it will nurture her propensity to look after the outsiders on the playground until they feel comfortable. I just don't see it. But when DD reaches her limits and her words have failed her, she has now, on three separate incidents, struck out physically. Does this mean we have an issue? If so, are my efforts to deal with it enough? I think we are working on it. It's a little hard though. Maybe, to be honest, I'm not sure exactly how much I want to work on this. I guess I am feeling a little pushed here.
I don't want to extinguish all physical fight. Yet I know it's not appropriate in most circumstances. I guess I'm not as trusting as many people. I want peace, yet I also want the right to defend myself. I want that for my children too. I'm just in a quandary.
I thought I was doing a good job helping my kids develop the verbal skills as well as their negotiating skills. Then, things like this happen and I wonder doesn't anyone else's kids do this stuff? Apparently not. And that is why I just want to pack up and go home. Just like I want to make excuses.
As I write this, my BIL came to apologize for asking me to correct my child. I appreciate it. I like him a lot. I really do. I want to respect his need and desire to keep his child safe. I know he understands mine. Just the like the children, we ask for and get forgiveness. Then somehow, we start out again on this road of delicate balance of family togetherness.
Meantime, I will try to limit my houseguesting to one night unless it's a musketeer.
After all this drama, I am tired. Bedtime calls. And the beat goes on.
I broke this rule and now I am trying very hard to manage my impulse to pack and leave. DD spent the afternoon being told she is not as smart as a cousin and that she is younger so must be bossed. She's been dragged on the floor and pounced upon. I assure you, DD can be bossy and defiant and will fight to the death over a piece of grass when she feels it necessary. I know she's not an angel, just an ordinary 6 yr old. When she had enough today, she bit. This would be the second time over the course of several months that she has bit said cousin when she had enough. I do realize this is inappropriate. It's also embarrassing. Any excuse or reason I might offer would be equally inappropriate.
Last month, during house hunting, we were house guests at a home by request of DH. I did not want to be there because our parenting styles and rules are so vastly different. Yet DH felt it would work out. Shortly before we left, DD hit a child in that house when she had had enough of the other child. As parents, we totally failed to properly supervise the kids. They were inspecting new house while all adults were downstairs. and then, they weren't.
There is a part of me that feels totally embarrassed when these things happen. I wonder if it's just us. I hate when I get the vibe of well, if you would stick them in school they wouldn't do this crap. It's just because your child is not well socialized. I hardly think that putting my child in the local PS would encourage her to continue giving away her prized possessions because it might make someone feel better. Nor do I think it will nurture her propensity to look after the outsiders on the playground until they feel comfortable. I just don't see it. But when DD reaches her limits and her words have failed her, she has now, on three separate incidents, struck out physically. Does this mean we have an issue? If so, are my efforts to deal with it enough? I think we are working on it. It's a little hard though. Maybe, to be honest, I'm not sure exactly how much I want to work on this. I guess I am feeling a little pushed here.
I don't want to extinguish all physical fight. Yet I know it's not appropriate in most circumstances. I guess I'm not as trusting as many people. I want peace, yet I also want the right to defend myself. I want that for my children too. I'm just in a quandary.
I thought I was doing a good job helping my kids develop the verbal skills as well as their negotiating skills. Then, things like this happen and I wonder doesn't anyone else's kids do this stuff? Apparently not. And that is why I just want to pack up and go home. Just like I want to make excuses.
As I write this, my BIL came to apologize for asking me to correct my child. I appreciate it. I like him a lot. I really do. I want to respect his need and desire to keep his child safe. I know he understands mine. Just the like the children, we ask for and get forgiveness. Then somehow, we start out again on this road of delicate balance of family togetherness.
Meantime, I will try to limit my houseguesting to one night unless it's a musketeer.
After all this drama, I am tired. Bedtime calls. And the beat goes on.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Chapters' ending
So many times, we stand at the edge of a place we can not see and yet we must step forward. It would be so easy to stay, and yet, we step. It would be so easy to stay comfy and yet to grow we must change. We build muscles by tearing them and waiting for them to rebuild. Branches grow after pruning. And people grow only when they stretch their minds and hearts.
I've been in that place more times than I can remember. I've been tempted to run to the easy place and I'd be lying if I said I had never taken that easy path. But it's not where we grow. I want to grow. I want to be strong and bold. I want to be vulnerable and accepting. I want to be alive. And I don't want to do it alone.
I am wrapping up this chapter of our lives and I am profoundly grateful for all the times and ways I have been reminded that we do not need to go through life alone. God wants us to live our lives under His grace and in communion with others. I only have to be as alone as I choose. I have at long last seen the abundant blessings for us in this move.
There were so many days I railed, whined and moped. Those days were often my own making. Building community means have real relations with imperfect people. I have decided I love being in that mix. May I always move forward to see what lies ahead, al the while, enjoying the journey. May you come with me.
I've been in that place more times than I can remember. I've been tempted to run to the easy place and I'd be lying if I said I had never taken that easy path. But it's not where we grow. I want to grow. I want to be strong and bold. I want to be vulnerable and accepting. I want to be alive. And I don't want to do it alone.
I am wrapping up this chapter of our lives and I am profoundly grateful for all the times and ways I have been reminded that we do not need to go through life alone. God wants us to live our lives under His grace and in communion with others. I only have to be as alone as I choose. I have at long last seen the abundant blessings for us in this move.
There were so many days I railed, whined and moped. Those days were often my own making. Building community means have real relations with imperfect people. I have decided I love being in that mix. May I always move forward to see what lies ahead, al the while, enjoying the journey. May you come with me.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
balancing acts
My plate is full and I think we are having cold feet. Of course, we are under contract and backing out now would be expensive and cause our DD serious stress. However, packing and moving is causing me some degree of stress.
Meanwhile, in my efforts to be joyous and productive instead of continuing my massive pity party, I am filling my days with consistant efforts to connect with others. I have finally figured out that life doesn't happen in a vacuum. Last week was busy in a very good way. There were playdates, school work, bible study, meals to make and easter eggs to hide. It was the first time since Tommy died that I felt like my world was spinning without it's melancholy wobble. I felt my mom's encouragement and companionship throughout the week. It was good.
Meanwhile, I work at finding the happy balance between staying in the moment and checking out and moving on. Too bad I never learned to juggle.
Meanwhile, in my efforts to be joyous and productive instead of continuing my massive pity party, I am filling my days with consistant efforts to connect with others. I have finally figured out that life doesn't happen in a vacuum. Last week was busy in a very good way. There were playdates, school work, bible study, meals to make and easter eggs to hide. It was the first time since Tommy died that I felt like my world was spinning without it's melancholy wobble. I felt my mom's encouragement and companionship throughout the week. It was good.
Meanwhile, I work at finding the happy balance between staying in the moment and checking out and moving on. Too bad I never learned to juggle.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Going home
It's official. We are going home. After a very long journey filled with laughter, tears and much growth, we are going home.
We anticipate an end of the month closing and a mid April move. The house is so much more than I had hoped for and I cannot begin to tell you of the things I hope to do in this wonderful house. Suffice to say, it involves plenty of play filled days and warm welcoming open houses for all the friends we have and hope to meet. Last but not least, I shall finally get to dig my hands in the dirt as I please!
God is faithful, even in the trivial.
We anticipate an end of the month closing and a mid April move. The house is so much more than I had hoped for and I cannot begin to tell you of the things I hope to do in this wonderful house. Suffice to say, it involves plenty of play filled days and warm welcoming open houses for all the friends we have and hope to meet. Last but not least, I shall finally get to dig my hands in the dirt as I please!
God is faithful, even in the trivial.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
silence
Sometimes it is good to say nothing because it means you might be thinking. I am thinking. Lots. Still talking in RT, but typing less.
Silence can mean listening. It can also mean shut down and refusal. I'm sure that silence is present, but there is much happy silence.
To the kind of silence that promotes restoration and growth.
Selah
Silence can mean listening. It can also mean shut down and refusal. I'm sure that silence is present, but there is much happy silence.
To the kind of silence that promotes restoration and growth.
Selah
Thursday, February 21, 2008
what we do
It's much harder to ramble on about nothings than I would have thought. I'm not living an exciting bloggable life right now. I am however, sitting on the fence of indecision again and it hurts.
I want to be done with Orlando. Yet it doesn't feel quite like it's time. This leaves me feeling unsettled and fighting grumpiness. I'm working on that though. We joined the Y and I am back to several sweat filled, endorphin filled workouts a week. This helps. As does the conscious effort to avoid complaining through out Lent. That complaining habit was really taking it's toll on me. That being said, that is also more difficult that I would have thought. Sometimes, I have to enforce quiet so that I say nothing while I think of the appropriate way to say it. This is not fool proof of course, and I am even more aware of how much I stand in the need of grace.
Other than these grand moments of indecision in which we throw ourselves regularly in the Sunshine house, we are well. We still thrill over sandhill cranes and alligator sightings. Luckily for the cranes, the two have not been mixed. Only at Gatorland have we actually seen an alligator eating a fresh catch. Guess those hotdogs and pellets don't satisfy the crew.
That's my update on the gang. We are here. Life is happening. Just like it is at your house.
I want to be done with Orlando. Yet it doesn't feel quite like it's time. This leaves me feeling unsettled and fighting grumpiness. I'm working on that though. We joined the Y and I am back to several sweat filled, endorphin filled workouts a week. This helps. As does the conscious effort to avoid complaining through out Lent. That complaining habit was really taking it's toll on me. That being said, that is also more difficult that I would have thought. Sometimes, I have to enforce quiet so that I say nothing while I think of the appropriate way to say it. This is not fool proof of course, and I am even more aware of how much I stand in the need of grace.
Other than these grand moments of indecision in which we throw ourselves regularly in the Sunshine house, we are well. We still thrill over sandhill cranes and alligator sightings. Luckily for the cranes, the two have not been mixed. Only at Gatorland have we actually seen an alligator eating a fresh catch. Guess those hotdogs and pellets don't satisfy the crew.
That's my update on the gang. We are here. Life is happening. Just like it is at your house.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
New Year
A couple of days after Chrsitmas, we hopped on a plane and headed to the midwest. The original trip was supposed to be to Boston/Connecticut, but I am convinced that I needed to be on this trip instead. So, in a quirky set of events, we ended up going to Bloomington, Chicago, and now Madison, WA.
Things are happening to fast to really write about. But I needed some downtime. So here I am.
DH has been my hero for his efforts to be a happier parent. He told DD she needed to stay with us to keep safe from giant, pteradactyls. And DS was dressed in quicktime when DH told him that yes, raccoons had super powers. DS was delighted and proud. And quite adorable telling peeps that he was super raccoon. I never dreamed a super raccoon could be so cute.
Our trips to Bloomington and Chicago were so restorative. I laughed like I don't remember laughing and just wallowed in how wonderful it was to let down my guard and enjoy grownups while the kids played.
Chicago brought a beautiful hotel in downtown and some museum trips that wowed us all. It is such an amazing city. I know why people say it has everything. Even the 10 degree weather did not deter us.
And now, we rest in Madison, Wisconsin. We braved a fog so thick it caused 2 massive car pile ups (100 cars, two fatalities and several injuries). We were thankfully rerouted. The only effects we experienced were an additional 2+ hours in the car. Small potatoes. Kids are sick now and trying hard to pass it on to me. We hope to finally enjoy some fog free driving tomorrow as we explore. We'll have to see about that though. Our efforts today weren't quite up to expectations. But then again, it has more to do with the very wonderful days we had last week.
Good night all.
Things are happening to fast to really write about. But I needed some downtime. So here I am.
DH has been my hero for his efforts to be a happier parent. He told DD she needed to stay with us to keep safe from giant, pteradactyls. And DS was dressed in quicktime when DH told him that yes, raccoons had super powers. DS was delighted and proud. And quite adorable telling peeps that he was super raccoon. I never dreamed a super raccoon could be so cute.
Our trips to Bloomington and Chicago were so restorative. I laughed like I don't remember laughing and just wallowed in how wonderful it was to let down my guard and enjoy grownups while the kids played.
Chicago brought a beautiful hotel in downtown and some museum trips that wowed us all. It is such an amazing city. I know why people say it has everything. Even the 10 degree weather did not deter us.
And now, we rest in Madison, Wisconsin. We braved a fog so thick it caused 2 massive car pile ups (100 cars, two fatalities and several injuries). We were thankfully rerouted. The only effects we experienced were an additional 2+ hours in the car. Small potatoes. Kids are sick now and trying hard to pass it on to me. We hope to finally enjoy some fog free driving tomorrow as we explore. We'll have to see about that though. Our efforts today weren't quite up to expectations. But then again, it has more to do with the very wonderful days we had last week.
Good night all.
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