Is it really just us?

I think it must be us after all. There is a trick to being houseguests. It is to leave before anything bad happens and stay where your rules are as similar as possible when it involves children.

I broke this rule and now I am trying very hard to manage my impulse to pack and leave. DD spent the afternoon being told she is not as smart as a cousin and that she is younger so must be bossed. She's been dragged on the floor and pounced upon. I assure you, DD can be bossy and defiant and will fight to the death over a piece of grass when she feels it necessary. I know she's not an angel, just an ordinary 6 yr old. When she had enough today, she bit. This would be the second time over the course of several months that she has bit said cousin when she had enough. I do realize this is inappropriate. It's also embarrassing. Any excuse or reason I might offer would be equally inappropriate.

Last month, during house hunting, we were house guests at a home by request of DH. I did not want to be there because our parenting styles and rules are so vastly different. Yet DH felt it would work out. Shortly before we left, DD hit a child in that house when she had had enough of the other child. As parents, we totally failed to properly supervise the kids. They were inspecting new house while all adults were downstairs. and then, they weren't.

There is a part of me that feels totally embarrassed when these things happen. I wonder if it's just us. I hate when I get the vibe of well, if you would stick them in school they wouldn't do this crap. It's just because your child is not well socialized. I hardly think that putting my child in the local PS would encourage her to continue giving away her prized possessions because it might make someone feel better. Nor do I think it will nurture her propensity to look after the outsiders on the playground until they feel comfortable. I just don't see it. But when DD reaches her limits and her words have failed her, she has now, on three separate incidents, struck out physically. Does this mean we have an issue? If so, are my efforts to deal with it enough? I think we are working on it. It's a little hard though. Maybe, to be honest, I'm not sure exactly how much I want to work on this. I guess I am feeling a little pushed here.

I don't want to extinguish all physical fight. Yet I know it's not appropriate in most circumstances. I guess I'm not as trusting as many people. I want peace, yet I also want the right to defend myself. I want that for my children too. I'm just in a quandary.

I thought I was doing a good job helping my kids develop the verbal skills as well as their negotiating skills. Then, things like this happen and I wonder doesn't anyone else's kids do this stuff? Apparently not. And that is why I just want to pack up and go home. Just like I want to make excuses.

As I write this, my BIL came to apologize for asking me to correct my child. I appreciate it. I like him a lot. I really do. I want to respect his need and desire to keep his child safe. I know he understands mine. Just the like the children, we ask for and get forgiveness. Then somehow, we start out again on this road of delicate balance of family togetherness.

Meantime, I will try to limit my houseguesting to one night unless it's a musketeer.

After all this drama, I am tired. Bedtime calls. And the beat goes on.