Say yes.

That whole competition thing turned out to be a good thing. For twelve weeks, I paid careful attention to both meals and workouts. Family walks, intentional workouts, and healthy meals took a front seat. I also spent a lot of time thinking about bad habits I'd developed for coping with all of life's little stresses. I started to see food as fuel, not as a panacea. I began to intentionally choose activities that nurtured good health, and strengthened my body, mind, and spirit. About this time, I really started to look at my family of origin. I began to sift through the good and the bad. All this comes with the warning that the smallest changes can ripple out. Often, even changes that impact us for the better can be scary for ourselves and others. Change often meets resistance, both internally and externally. This is where one has to be willing to say to those around them, “This is my goal. This is something I need to do. I may still be working out the why, but I must get started.”

 I have three vivid memories during this time. The first is about the contest. The grand prize was a fancy car, a cash payout, and a lot of supplement shakes. I spent a lot of time thinking about that prize. Sometimes, when I didn't want to go to the gym, or I wanted to deviate from my meal plan, I reminded myself of the various prizes. Sure, it was a long shot, but it did the trick. I was faithful to the plan. I was about 2/3 of the way through the contest when a helpful person told me not to be disappointed if I didn't win. After all, the winners were exceptionally fit. He was right. They were. However,I felt that he was arrogant and unhelpful. I knew he was more interested in reminding me of my shortcomings than my success. I was far more appreciative of the people that encouraged me, and celebrated my progress.

The second big memory was from a holiday visit with family. Please remember, these new found habits were strange to my couch potato, meat and starch family. My new confidence was scary. I was really starting to own my thoughts and actions. I had a job I enjoyed. I was becoming strong and brave. I had questions and answers. My mother was a bit tired that Christmas day, and she wanted to nap. I assured her I had dinner preparations under control, and I shooed her away. Off to bed she went. I finished my tasks, and went for a jog. When she awoke, everything was running smoothly. She was incredulous. She made me walk through everything that had happened. I remember her asking, “Jogging? You went jogging?'

I laughed and replied, “Yes, and do you see how its all coming together nicely?”

It was the first time in my adult life that my mom said, “I don't know what you're doing anymore, but it's working.”

My third and final memory from this time is the unbelievable support I received from my spouse. When I started to make drastic changes, he was along for the ride. Signing up for the personal training sessions was expensive and seemed so drastic, but I had no idea where to start in the gym. It was foreign territory. My husband fully supported my goals, and we allocated time and financial resources to meet those goals. Loving me and valuing me was never tied to my weight. I always felt I was the person he wanted in his life, and I still do. This unconditional love has given me the freedom to try new things. Success and invention require freedom to fail or change course. When one is rewriting a story, its impossible to know the ending. I am often reminded of this even today.

As I think about all this, I'm trying to decide what was most critical to my success. I think it's three fold.

• I set a goal that was realistic and measurable.
• I enlisted support in meeting those goals.
• I didn't stop.

That guy was right. I didn't win the company's prize. There was no cool car or a lifetime of supplements. In fact, I drive a scratched up minivan, rarely take vitamins, and still have to sweet talk myself into exercise some days.

I was right to dream big though, because I know what I was, and what I am. None of that would have happened without being fully committed to change. I'm about 15 years past all that, and every day, I have a new opportunity to pursue adventure, create harmony, wrestle fears, relinquish hurt, and hold hearts. With my messy, abundant, chaotic, peacemaking, crazy life, I win.