House cleaning

I'm nervous I think. We are going to observe Lent. This is a first time for our family. Oddly, the effort is being led by my husband, an almost entirely unobservant Jew. However, over the last few years it has been evident that changes are underway for all of us. And so, in a nit quite natural development, we have chosen something to give up or change about our lives. Over the last few days, it has come to me that I am really nervous.

It's like the old saying" some of my best friends are xyz"...well I've known some fine people who gave up things for Lent. But I never did. Every once in awhile, I told my self it was because God doesn't need our sacrifices. That his love and grace covers everything we could ever do. That would be fine I think, except for one minor thing. I didn't observe Lent because I didn't want to. It's not nice to be uncomfortable.

Nice huh? I'm scared too. I'm worried about creature comforts. I don't drink cow milk or eat a lot of cheese. I don't eat meat or fish. So I've been thinking I'm kiind of entitled to eggs. I like those a lot. As of next Wednesday, those will be gone. I wonder what's left. I think about eating oatmeal every day. I think maybe I will start eating beans for breakfast. I will pretend I 'm British. I practiced last week actually. I didn't eat breakfast as early as I normally do due to a DR's appt and some blood work. When I got home, I had tofu and veggie stirfy at 10:15 AM.

I know this is crazy. It's just food right? Except it's not. I knew it the minute my DH suggested that he would perhaps go vegan for Lent. I rebelled immediately. What would be the point I asked. Isn't that harsh I asked. At some point I realized that my reluctance meant that perhaps I was being shown how much I needed to let go.

I've been wondering if my reluctance is because I think I am good enough already. I've already got my bible verse memorized teacher. That thought isn't any prettier than my others. I don't have any sacrifices to offer God because I am just so hunky dory that I give Him my best every day??? Yeah right. Not even on my best day.

So now, in my last week before the fun starts, I'm getting ready. I've started reading some of those unread stories of faith on my bookshelf. I'm lingering a bit more with those Bible verses. I know there's no way I'm going to stay off the eggs without some help and encouragement. And if nothing else, because if I'm going to clean house so thoroughly, I might as well check the foundation and beams while I'm at it.