Active Waiting

I was right. This Lent thing is hard. I was pretty sure that I had some unresolved food issues. This doesn't surprise me. The chemical dependencies in my family can be extreme. I knew that sugar and alcohol often affect the same area of the brain in people. But, I'm not quite certain that that is my nemesis. After all, I turned down vegetarian jelly beans even though they are allowed.
But there is definitely something going on here. Yesterday, I was exhausted from many short travels and too little sleep. Plus, I'm adjusting to my new routines. And then I realized that the thought of no eggs was going to make me cry. What kinda garbage is that!!!???

After realizing that I am probably going through some kind of detox and withdrawal, I picked up some Bcomplex and started on my multi vitamins. Hopefully, I will make it past this and stay focused on the real event.

I was thinking the other day how this is all to practice being in a position that puts God first. God created heaven and earth. He doesn't need my leftover eggs or someone else's bacon or chocolate. He needs us to be willing to lay down our desires and take on His. My husband has said several times that I don't need to do this if I don't want to or if it's too hard. But now, I have to. I have to continue for two fold. First, if there is anything that has this big of a hold on me, other than my family, I want to cut it loose. It might be getting in the way of what God can do with my life. Second, I sure hate to back down from a challenge. Every little victory prepares us for the next one. I never know when I'm going to need to get through something harder.

I've got a lot of life changes happening. Many are exciting, a good deal of them are big and a little scary. I'm trying to go very, very carefully without losing sight of the map. And without secretly trading His map for mine. It's not easy. So feel free to say an extra prayer for me. I believe that I will be most at peace when I am fully walking in His plan. That's the problem though. I like walking and I hate waiting. I read a book once that called it active waiting. I like that.

And while I am waiting, I will stop frequently to praise an amazing God who loves His children and has plans for them. I will stop to wonder at what it will be like when this world is humbled and drawn close to Him. I will imagine that every person I know has turned away from the things that separate us from God to seek His will with anticipation and joy. Tall order I know. But I have to think of something during Lent, because otherwise, I might just focus on how many yummy things are made with eggs, butter and sugar. Then I will miss all the really good stuff in life.