Passing through

I missed something big. I did. It was in front of my face but it was too hard to see. I just cannot control all of life. I hear some of you snickering. No need. I am sufficiently chastened.

I wanted Celebration to be our last stop for awhile. Not because it is the best place on earth. but because I don't want to move again. Now again, I hear the tsking. I *know* we don't "have" to move. But in a way, I do if I am going to be fully engaged in this experiment. Not that it has come to that. We aen't packing as I write. I just have to be open to whatever may come. And I violated that. I did not want live in the unknown so I was attempting to make everything known. And I have been mighty unhappy with the results.

So, today, I sought forgiveness for all those affected by my need to have all my ducks aligned. And I have, again, gotten back up or down as the case may be.

I was humbled by the thought that none of this is my home. We are all just passing by. We are born, carry on our causes and then we drift away. This is not an invitation to melancholy though. Instead, it is an invitation to freedom. We get caught up in the idea that we can control everything and therefore are responsible for it all. We can't and we aren't. I know some of you knew that. I bet atleast one of you didn't. Atleast I hope. Otherwise, I'll feel sooo lonely...

Today, my soul came back. I was sitting in a movie theater church. The service hadn't started for everyone else. For me it could have been all over. Except it wasn't. Sometimes, God continues bringing out the best long after you think the kitchen should or would be closed.

So there I was, finally, after almost 15 months, thinking I am going to be just fine. Maybe even better. Even though nothing has changed. Even though still I get no rewrites. I'm just passing through and that means I can stop worrying about if we are going to live here, happily ever after. Instead, I will get back to the important work of biking, walking and playing while I contemplate what it means to be really ready for the unknown. And I can't do that if I won't put down the map and loosen up on the reigns. I need to remember to rejoice in this day. For this moment. For this dream. For this tear. I give thanks for the knowledge that all of my transgressions, doubts or fears cannot hope to erase or overshadow the grace and majesty of God.

May the peace and joy I received today be yours.