Catching up

I would start at the beginning. Julie Andrews said it was a good place to start. however, I can't remember when and where that was.

We are in Bloomington, IL again. Russell's contract here will be done at the end of the year. So this was a good time to come visit and do all of the things we enjoyed doing while here. I hope to come back some day, perhaps I can lure my family here with promises of Chicago. However, we are recovering from a snowstorm so now is probably not the time to start campaigning :)

The children are growing, as they tend to do. My daughter is learning to read. This is so exciting for her parents. She enjoys seeing our enthusiasm. She says I can do my happy dance anywhere I want. Our son is finally spouting a few words regularly. He has his favorites. He'll go to great lengths to find the sports pages in the paper so that he can look at it and say "ball." Ducks and dogs also make it to the top ten list. He's got some misc other words in there, but he is not the talker his sister was. Of course, it could be that we aren't the parents we were back then either. I seem to have lost my place in the Mommy wars and that's ok. It's much less work to be genuinely happy for other people's prodigies than worry about where mine are. They are here and they are beautiful.

But still, I had no clue how powerful mother guilt could be when I was younger! I could not have imagined this tendency to second guess so much. Even when I know the sane path. Sometimes I wonder if I am too strict on some things. My daughter will tell me, "this is part of growing up" in the middle of some tantrum or misadventure.

I will say "not here it isn't' or " I don't want to grow a grown up who does such and such" Luckily these things do not happen too much. And sometimes, she's probably right. And so I tell her so sometimes and we start over, with the understanding it will not occur again. If we are lucky, it doesn't. We are all learning.

In any event, we are all well. We fought a brave and victorious battle against some vile cold recently. We were probably due for some such thing, but we were sick for almost two weeks. I was so glad to finally be myself again. Russell was so glad when I was finally myself again.

Now the holidays are here and I flow between the joy of them and the sadness of all that has happened. I try to remember that that is the choice every person makes on any given day. But it's hard. And last night, when I woke yet again in the night from my wild dreams, I had another talk with God.

So much is really good for us. And exciting. I am tired though. Very, very tired. I try to remember though, that I can choose to be sunshine girl. Most of the time it helps.