Lay Me Down

I've tried so hard to listen to the Spirit of God in my life. Not always. But for the last 61/2 years we've been chatty. I've spent the last several years praying thatI would be who God needed me to be and where I need to be. I've had a few moments when I was belly punched along the way, but I've been moving forward.

Moving to Illinois was the right thing to do. Confirmations came over and over again. Later today, we will fly to Orlando to check out apartments. Things seem pretty silent. Bad dreams. Headlines about terror plots. Not good. I vaguely remember coming to Bloomington though. We couldn't agree on housing. Our eldest child was melting at every turn. So maybe, it gets better.

Or I could just be a girl who doesn't listen. Maybe I am supposed to stay in Mayberry. It's not everybody who gets the chance to live in a place like this. It's just so hard to find the path sometimes.

I've spent the last year with the theme "Lay Me Down." I'm trying to see who I can become if I lay all my worst fears, jealousies, and petty meanies down. I want to know what I can be used for then. There is a song that says of the Christian walk, "You [God] must increase. I must decrease. How low can I go? How low can I go? I've been trying to answer that question. But, I don't want to be a martyr. I don't think it's in my cards. I just want to be the kind of person that God can really use in this world.

Maybe, if you are a praying person, you will join me in praying that I will be who God needs me to be, where He needs me to be, and really doing what He calls me to do. Because I think if we all do it together, the answer might come in so clearly that my imperfect self will not be able to miss it.

Signing off. The sunhine girl.